Workers were not treated fairly during Industrialization, because the working conditions were not good. As reported in a document, a boss at an industry wanted his workers to work faster by bribing them with money. The workers all worked at their fastest but it isn't good to rush certain things. A man was working so fast that he had yet to realize he punctured himself. A needle and thread cut right through his finger and it was no scratch, it was bleeding. From my own knowledge, I know that if someone gets stabbed, it would hurt seriously. The needle went through his finger so he was most likely in agony. The boss should have thought about this sooner which means he didn't think about what could happen if he told his workers to do such a thing; for extra money. Therefore, workers weren't treated fairly during Industrialization.
14/20 (85) - I like that you were incorporating information and a description of the details. You definitely used the document details to argue your side of the subject. I would like for you to pay more attention to the introduction are and conclusion are of your work where you should develop your topic and argument more. Make sure to be specific and mention the time period, general information, and names of documents and people.
Workers were not treated fairly during Industrialization, because the working conditions were not good. As reported in a document, a boss at an industry wanted his workers to work faster by bribing them with money. The workers all worked at their fastest but it isn't good to rush certain things. A man was working so fast that he had yet to realize he punctured himself. A needle and thread cut right through his finger and it was no scratch, it was bleeding. From my own knowledge, I know that if someone gets stabbed, it would hurt seriously. The needle went through his finger so he was most likely in agony. The boss should have thought about this sooner which means he didn't think about what could happen if he told his workers to do such a thing; for extra money. Therefore, workers weren't treated fairly during Industrialization.
ReplyDeleteArgument: 2.5
ReplyDeleteEvidence: 3.5
Transitions: 3
Formal Style: 2.5
Conclusion: 3
14/20 (85) - I like that you were incorporating information and a description of the details. You definitely used the document details to argue your side of the subject. I would like for you to pay more attention to the introduction are and conclusion are of your work where you should develop your topic and argument more. Make sure to be specific and mention the time period, general information, and names of documents and people.